This past year I fully embraced the concept of being an independent artist. What does that mean? In a nutshell, it means I make art simply to make it without any financial assistance from some third party. I have no backers, no financiers, no patrons. I dabbled in Patreon briefly with my podcast, The Work Of Wrestling, but it quickly became clear to me I couldn't keep up with the volume of work required. Rather than put out a subpar product, I opted out altogether. I also didn't like the idea of segmenting my audience into the "exclusive" bunch and the "regular" bunch. I've come to reject such values and instead embrace the idea of making art for absolutely everyone.

For free.

I'm at peace with this concept with my two podcasts, The Work Of Wrestling and The Five Films. I believe their value to the world is more important than anything connected to money. I love the Star Trekian philosophy of creating something simply to better myself, rather than to receive some sort of remuneration in return. It's a reflection of the kind of world I want to live in - quality ideas and quality art exchanged between artists and audiences without some sort of financial intrusion.

When it comes to filmmaking, I'm less sure of myself in this regard. What I really want (as far as a career goes) is to be a filmmaker. I want to make enough money to pay bills, buy groceries, and pay my therapist and psychiatrist through the films I make. That goal feels catastrophically far away, and it's left me wondering if I should just make peace with toiling in obscurity until I die.

I bring this up because I learned, in the past, that the path to becoming a successful filmmaker is to make something "independently", like a short film, and then get noticed (and network) at a film festival. Two years ago I discovered Film Freeway and I thought, "Wow! This is my way to get on that path. Finally!"

It seemed to make the mysterious, difficult, and inaccessible world of indie cinema understandable, simple, and accessible. But after my third round of submissions and subsequent rejections I started to get a peculiar feeling. Something seemed off about the process. I just paid hundreds of dollars with nothing to show for it. Conversely, could I have paid thousands and then had "something" to show for it. Does any of that make sense? Does that represent my values? Is that what I'm fighting for?

As easy as Film Freeway makes it to submit to festivals (it really is a great site, don't get me wrong) the fundamental process of trying to get noticed still feels insurmountable. And not just because I'm one of literal thousands submitting. Not just because competition is stiff and I have far fewer resources than other younger filmmakers. But because it's fucking expensive to submit to film festivals and I struggle, financially, to get from one week to the next.

I'm hardly starving. I make just enough to pay my two biggest bills ($893 for my monthly maintenance and $558 for my student loans) and still have a little left over to buy lunch every day and maybe go to the movies. I truly don't give a shit about money - in that acquiring wealth is in no way a driving force in my life the way it is for others (hence why I don't have it). I'd only like to have more of it so that I could buy more sandwiches and see more movies with a little peace of mind.

But I'm hardly well off and nowhere near financially independent. I have help from my wife and my family. Without it, I'd really be struggling.

Given that this is my situation, does it make sense to spend $70 to submit to the Tribeca Film Festival? I know my little film, Hamlet Prepares (a short about an actor who lands the titular role of Shakespeare's most famous tragedy), is not going to be accepted. And yet I submitted because that is, apparently, my only recourse, the only path to becoming an "actual" filmmaker.

I've spent $219 on five different festival submissions for Hamlet Prepares. Every single one is a shot in the dark. I tried to increase my chances by finding highly specific festivals like the Stratford on Avon Festival that awards the "best Shakespeare inspired film". Even so, this process is time consuming and expensive. I make the film (the fun part), then I search for the right festival fit and submit, and then wait months to be selected or (more likely) not.

It dawned on me that this process does not work for me. It works for the festivals (they make money). It works for Film Freeway (they make money). It works for rich people (they're able to spend as much money as they need to get into more festivals and therefore increase their chances of being selected).

It doesn't work for working people who want to create art despite not having money nor resources. It doesn't work for truly independent artists.

So I'm left with the following choices; continue to toil whilst hoping for my big break or...reject the system.

I have to ask myself, what do I really want?

Believe it or not, Lavish Made has helped me answer that question. I want to make films and then have them be seen by people. That's it. It's that simple. Sure, if I could do that and make enough money to live I'd be pleased, but if all I really want is to be a filmmaker and have those films seen by people I can absolutely do that without trying to adhere to some already-established pathway to success.

Sharing my films here has been wonderful. Each one has been seen by maybe two or three people, but that's still an audience. I've received feedback from you and it's all been a pleasure.

Given that this is the sort of relationship I want to have with my work and my audience, does it make sense to spend hundreds of dollars on Film Festivals and then wait months to hear back from them?

What if I applied what I've learned from podcasting to filmmaking. Creating a truly egalitarian space where money is not a concern, where all that matters is the art and the audience.

I'm going to think more on this. I'm considering making a short film, just for the sake of making it, and then immediately after its finished giving a happy middle finger to the film festival process and just releasing it on YouTube.

Let me know what you think.