On most days, the drive to school is one of my favorite parts of being a parent.

It’s this little pocket of time when things slow down. No Slack notifications. No Jira tickets. No cameras or code. Just sleepy kids, bad jokes, and whatever song is on.

Learning to slow down and actually be present is the whole project of my life right now. I talk about it. I try to live it. But there is one thing that almost always pulls me completely out of it.

My Arch nemesis. The school drop off line.

This morning we had been in line for about 6 minutes. We were one turn away from the final straight stretch to the drop off spot. Everyone inching forward, doing the slow polite shuffle.

Then someone pulled up in a car, cut in, and dropped their kid off right ahead of the whole line.

Instant blood boil. Something goes off in my chest when that happens. It’s not fair. We all did the right thing. We all waited. This person decided that they didn’t have to. I could feel that familiar rush of annoyance start to take over. The part of my brain that likes to start writing speeches for people who will never hear them.

Then I did something different.

I said it out loud.

"This always annoys me," I told my kid. "I think it is because it feels unfair. We all did the right thing and this person decided they didn’t have to."

Saying it out loud made it feel less like a script that was playing in my head and more like an object that we could both look at.

Then I reminded myself of something Marcus Aurelius wrote and that the Stoics tried to live by. My opinion about what just happened does not change what happened. Being mad at this stranger does nothing to move the car, or the line, or the world. It just colors this moment with a feeling that takes me away from the person sitting right next to me.

"So I have to remember people will be people," I told my kid. "What matters is what I do with this. My opinion about that driver doesn’t really matter. What I do with how I feel does."

They nodded and said, "Wow, I really like that way of thinking about it."

And just like that we were off on another random topic. Some silly thing about Minecraft or a YouTube video.

I am very consistent about being the same me in every situation.  Being reliable is important, but there are also parts of me that take me out of the moment. 

Today I caught it. I named it. I let it be there without giving it the steering wheel.

It was still annoying. I am not a saint. But I did not hand the morning over to it. I chose the conversation in the car instead.